Control

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Yesterday at church, we had a morning where we had an “application day” – instead of moving into chapter 2 of our study of 1 Timothy, we applied what we’d learned in chapter 1. Chapter 1 was all about “embracing our story of grace” … so, we had an open mic session where we encouraged people to share a little about their story and how they were seeing God at work in them. We began that time with a reflection – we encouraged people to spend a few moments reflecting on 3 or 4 words that described their journey at this time.

For me – I just asked the Father what the words were … very quickly, it became apparent that “listening” was it. I sense the Father impressing on my heart, “I’m teaching you to listen to Me.” Then, during the second service … the words waiting and control were added to the list. These three words really go together. Whenever anything is close to being “out of my control” – I begin the react and try to fix things & the Father has gently been showing me to wait and listen … wait and listen … wait and listen. I don’t like that – it is contrary to everything I’ve ever learned and done. I feel like George Costanza on the Seinfeld episode where he concludes that every impulse he’s ever had has led him to the misery he’s always lived with … so, if every impulse is wrong, he decides to begin choosing the opposite. I realize that God’s Spirit is gently and yet consistently leading me to the opposite of “fixing” and “managing” – He’s leading me away from “image control” to “love” – and He’s leading me away from “self-protection” to “self-sacrifice.”

Father, thank you for invading my world over and over again & inviting me to join yours … I want that more than anything. May I listen and listen long …

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~ by Ted Wueste on March 3, 2008.

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