Dealing with Difficult People

How do you deal with difficult people? What do you do with those people in your life that you don’t enjoy, in the least, to be around? Maybe it’s a little sister, if you’re a 10 year old boy, or a co-worker or a neighbor or … ?

Consider the following:
“Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you’re living in an illusion. There’s something seriously wrong with you. You’re not seeing reality. Something inside of you has to change. But what do we generally do when we have a negative feeling? ‘He is to blame, she is to blame. She’s got to change.’ No! The world’s all right, THe one who has to change is you.” Anthony deMello, “Awareness”

Perhaps, the first response in reading that is: “but, wait, you don’t understand! This person is …” Read the quote again and open your mind to a different way of thinking about your situation.

The reason that some people are difficult to us and not others is because some people hit our “buttons.” You’re difficult person is not my difficult person. Consider that, perhaps, there is an issue of identity or value that is misplaced in your life. And, that difficult person needles at it.

For example, if I have a need to be liked and someone doesn’t give me the time of day or perhaps they ignore me. I might see them as a difficult person. However, the issue is not them – it is my need to be liked. That person may have things that they need to address, but they are no longer a difficult person when I can address my issues. Then, they are not difficult but someone to be loved.

My life is only free to love (the very essence of why I was created) when I let go of finding my identity and value in anything other than being loved by God and loving others.


~ by Ted Wueste on December 24, 2010.

One Response to “Dealing with Difficult People”

  1. Good stuff I’ve found that if a negative person insults you and you take it to heart, it often shows a fear or shame that you have not examined or accepted fully. For instance, if someone accuses me of being a ten eyed monster, I probably won’t feel much beyond laughter. If someone called me a liar, or something, I might feel some anger or defensiveness, even if I never lied to him. But obviously I have lied to other people in the past, and I might not have fully accepted or forgiven myself for that.

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